


A Guide to Overcome Writer’s Block

by thequadraticformula



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 2yeon are parents wbk, Angst, Characters Writing Fanfiction, F/F, Friendship, Mentioned BLACKPINK, Meta, Play within a Play, This isn't really about ships, Tzuyu is my token foreigner, angst for dahmo 2020, dahmo has to be there but that also means I must angst them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25893337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequadraticformula/pseuds/thequadraticformula
Summary: "I have come to the difficult decision to abandon this account, and eventually delete all my works. I hope you can all understand.Thank you all again for the love and support!Signed: @chaechae_lisa""WHAT THE FUCK?""SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"WARNING: Mature language
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Kim Dahyun, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé, Park Jisoo | Jihyo/Son Chaeyoung
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	A Guide to Overcome Writer’s Block

**Author's Note:**

> This work is crossposted on Asianfanfics and Wattpad under the user 'thequadraticformula'.  
> DO NOT REPOST THIS WORK.

**I looked away slowly from my best friend, unable to look her in the eye as I prepared myself to speak the words I had held in my heart for far too long. Instead I focused on our reflections in the water of the lake we stood above. The moonlight hitting the water at just the right angle to create the illusion of the milky way swimming in the water below. There were soft ripples with the breeze of the night that distorted the image of us standing a meter apart on the bridge. And for a moment it looked like we were standing close enough to touch.**

**“Well?” Chaeyoung sighed into the cold night air and I knew I had to speak now, or I would never, ever say it.**

**“I… I’ve been taking some time to think recently and–”**

**“Lisa, you ignored me for a whole month after what happened.”**

**The bitterness in her voice hurt. But I supposed I deserved it after how I treated her… after everything we went through. She must have been hurting as much, or even more than I had been in that past month. I hated myself for making her feel like that.**

**“I know. I’m sorry.” I whispered, my voice already starting to break. “I should have just sucked it up and talked to you like a normal person. But I guess I decided to do what I do best.”**

**“Run and hide.” She finished for me.**

**“But I’m not going to run or hide anymore.”**

**I finally looked up, abandoning our reflections to look right into her eyes. Those beautiful eyes. They were filled with unshed tears. So were mine. And in that moment under the moonlight, I knew. I knew for sure.**

**“I’m in love with you.”**

Chaeyoung squealed and felt her own eyes tear up at the scene. She clutched her phone to her chest and squirmed in her bed, unable to contain the joy she felt when she read about her favourite idol ship, Chaelisa, FINALLY getting together after a rollercoaster of a fan fiction. This one had been particularly heart wrenching and it was RIDICULOUSLY satisfying to see what looked like a happy ending in sight. Today was a good day!

“STOP MOVING! GO TO SLEEP AND TURN OFF THE PHONE!”

Chaeyoung giggled, turning down the brightness on her phone and ducking her head under the covers to read the remaining paragraphs of the chapter.

“Sorry.” She mumbled to her older sister, Sana, who she unfortunately still shared a room with even when Chaeyoung was pushing 20 and Sana 23. Even worse was the fact that their tiny room only had the space for a rickety bunk bed, which mean that every little movement that Chaeyoung made on the top bunk could be felt by Sana (and vice versa).

She would have thought that Sana would have gotten used to Chaeyoung’s late night fanfic reading and her antics, but of course people reached their breaking points eventually.

She tried to remain as still as possible as she read the remainder of the chapter, happy tears running down her face when Rosé and Lisa sealed their love with a kiss under the moonlight just as the rain began to fall. It was such a perfect scene. Filled with so much emotion and so many unspoken words.

She voted for the fic and wrote a comment underneath, trying her very best to describe just how many emotions the author had made her feel at once. She thanked them over and over again.

_This is my favourite story by you so far! It deserves so many more reads and votes!!_

The author – going by the pseudonym @chaechae_lisa – was one of Chaeyoung’s favourites. They never disappointed. Whether the story was about her OTP Chaelisa or Jenlisa or Jensoo or simply any combination of her favourite girl group Blackpink, it was always breathtaking and so well written. Chaeyoung had always been picky with what fan fiction she picked up to read and this… this author knew how to write top-tier literature.

As she turned off her phone and placed it beside her pillow at around 1am, she closed her eyes and hoped to dream of Rosé and Lisa and prayed that one day, she too could write a piece of fiction like _A Misconception or Three_ by @chaechae_lisa.

***

Chaeyoung, herself, had an Archive of Our Own user with its own fair share of stories. All of them under the tag BLACKPINK (Band).

She had written ten. She sometimes clicked on her own profile and looked at that little number beside the works – (10) – and beamed, feeling accomplished that she could write so much. Of course, she followed authors that had written well over 50 individual works, but 10 was a start. A step on the way to becoming the iconic, prolific, Chaelisa writer that she had always dreamed of becoming (well, maybe not _always_ ).

Chaeyoung had always loved writing. Since she was in school, she had always enjoyed picking up a pencil and drawing a scene from her head, then scrawling the scenario underneath, creating stories and comics and prompts. She hadn’t changed.

She was still always in her own little world. All up in her head, sitting at her and Sana’s shared desk, a blank word document blinking in front of her, just waiting to be painted in thousands of little black characters as a world was built and characters came to life.

Writing was everything to Chaeyoung. An escape. A release. A safe haven. There was nothing like thinking of something, imagining it like a movie in her head and describing every scene as they played out. Painting the picture… shooting the film with her words and then sharing it with the world.

For some time now, she had been writing a story – of course centred around Chaelisa – with the concept of soulmates. Chaeyoung had always loved the soulmates trope in all of its forms. She had seen one on the internet that had piqued her interest. One where you could feel your soulmate’s pain.

It was certainly a recipe for angst.

She had already written over 6000 words and she loved every moment of it. She had just gotten to the moment where Lisa was suddenly realising that Chaeyoung and her have a connection that goes deeper than mere feelings and of course, the worst-case scenario started to set in.

Chaeyoung stared at the paragraph and watched the cursor blink at her expectantly.

**“You should listen to your friend.”**

**Lisa looked up to see Chaeyoung standing in the doorway again, her expression gentle and understanding.**

**“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear. Your voice is kind of loud.” She said and Lisa almost wanted to hit her for being so rude, but also felt endeared by Chaeyoung’s straightforward nature.**

**“That’s okay.” Lisa mumbled, handing the phone back. “Thank you for letting me use your phone.”**

**Chaeyoung shook her head – _It’s not a bother_ – and placed it back in her pocket.**

**“Is the friend calling you the one who sat next you back in high school?”**

**Lisa nodded, feeling a little awkward.**

**“Kim Jennie. She’s my best friend. She just gets a little overprotective.”**

**“She must be a really good friend to have stuck by you after all this time. I lost a lot of friends after high school was over. You’re lucky to have known someone so loyal.” Chaeyoung commented, sitting down on her neatly made bed, and patting the space next to her; an invitation for Lisa to take a seat too.**

**She obliged, feeling strange at the closeness. They sat about 30cm apart, looking at the opposite wall where there stood a mirror framed in black, similar to the picture she had seen just before, hanging on the wall. They locked eyes through the reflection.**

What the hell was she supposed to write after that?

Chaeyoung absolutely despised writer’s block.

She had tried every possible cure:

Drawing the scene from her head instead of writing it. FAIL (the faces looked funny and it made her laugh instead of inspired).

Writing out her thoughts as they came to her. FAIL (Chaeyoung’s thoughts nearly always came out in the form of dot points and that wasn’t helpful at all).

Writing something else entirely. FAIL ( _Chaeyoung. You have writer’s block. How the hell are you going to write something else you dummy_ ).

Listening to Blackpink’s music on repeat. FAIL (She just ended up singing and dancing instead of writing. Fun, but highly unproductive).

She was at a complete stand still.

Luckily, there were other things to distract her.

***

1:23pm

Dahyun bro

Calling…

“Bro, Wassup?”

“Hey, Chaeng. You coming to Jihyo’s tonight? You never really confirmed on the group chat.”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m coming. I thought, um, that I did say that I was coming.”

“You didn’t. But that’s cool. Just checking.”

“Worried that you’d be alone? Haha.”

“What? No! Don’t be dumb. I convinced Momo to come with me just in case you pulled out.”

“Oh. Haha~”

“I always have my back up plans, dude.”

“I still don’t like Momo. Just so you know.”

“Oh, I know. You remind me every single time I bring her up.”

“She just seems so… how do you put it…”

“Scary?”

“No, no that. Like… distant? Yeah. Like she’s on another planet or something.”

“I really don’t see how you get that vibe from her but okay.”

“It’s because you’re blinded by love, Dahyun my friend. Blinded by love.”

“You’re such a lame dork. Okay. I’ll see you at 6?”

“Yeah see you guys then.”

“And please… please try to look less like you want to murder my girlfriend when you see her. It’s really annoying.”

“I’ll try.”

“God you’re impossible.”

“Hahaha! Bye, Dahyun.”

“See ya bro.”

***

“So, are you still going to that class meet up this afternoon?” Chaeyoung’s Mum asked her, causing her to look up from her bowl of cereal with a quick jerk of her head.

“Uh… yeah.”

“So, does that mean I have to take you there?” He mother looks simultaneously relieved and annoyed and the look is so confusing that Chaeyoung isn’t so sure she really wants to go anymore.

“Um… I guess? If you can.” She looked back down at her bowl and swirled the remaining cereal, watching as the dry pieces soaked up the milk and sunk to the bottom.

Did she do something wrong?

“What your mother is trying to say, is that you could have confirmed with us before.” Her Omma’s voice floated into the kitchen from the other room. “And it’s also about time that you got your own drivers’ licence so that you can take yourself to things like this.”

“Jeong!” Chaeyoung looks up again to see her Mum straining her neck to look at her Omma in the next room who was seated at the couch and watching some lame English rom com with the subtitles on.

She felt her cheeks heat up at the mention of her drivers’ licence. She had meant to get it years ago when she had turned 17, but she had been so afraid of driving on her own, that she had put it off for far too long. She guessed it must be getting to that point in her life where it was embarrassing for her parents to drive her everywhere. Not just embarrassing for her, but her parents too.

“Sana can drive. She started driving as soon as she could, and she’s had her drivers’ license since she turned 17. Come on Chaeng. It’s not that hard. You’ve got all your hours. Just book the test and get it over with.” Her Omma called, causing her Mum to hide her face in her hands.

“I was trying to ease her into the conversation, Jeongyeon.” She groaned.

“It’s three years too late to be easing her into this Nayeon. She needs to suck it up.”

“So… can you still take me to Jihyo’s tonight?” Chaeyoung mumbled, trying to change the subject to avoid witnessing a petty fight between her parents and the topic of driving which caused her far too much anxiety to think about for too long.

“Book your drivers’ test and we’ll think about it.” Her Omma grumbled.

Her Mum looked at her apologetically but nodded slowly in agreement.

_Ugh._ This was the worst.

***

Mina </3

@revolutionistheblackpink

\--TAP FOR OLDER MESSAGES--

-2:34pm-

**You:** Hey, just letting you know I probs won’t be able to talk much today cuz I gotta go to a class reunion this afternoon. Dahyun will force me to turn my phone off.

**Mina </3:** That’s all g.

 **Mina </3:** Y do you sound so depressed about it tho. Sounds fun to me. Good to get off the internet once in a while.

**You:** Yeah, I guess it will be fun…

**Mina </3:** come on! You said that everything you do with Dahyun is fun. How is this an exception?

**You:** Nah I’m sure it will be fine. Guess I’m just annoyed because I wanted to try and write tonight. I have a feeling that my writer’s block will finally be gone, and I’ll get to the next part of my fic. I had high hopes!!

**Mina </3:** still writing that soulmates fic?

 **Mina </3:** you know none of your readers will care if you don’t upload it soon. We’ve all got lives outside of stanning Blackpink and reading fanfics.

**You:** I guess. I just felt like writing tonight though.

**Mina </3:** Just try and enjoy the night and maybe beat up Dahyun’s gf if she misbehaves

**You:** Oh yeah. I’m just WAITING for her to slip up and Dahyun will FINALLY realise that she’s a player and doesn’t care about anyone other than herself!

**Mina </3:** you know you sound like you’re jealous.

 **Mina </3:** But I can’t really tell who you’re jealous of hehe XD

**You:** Jeez.

 **You:** Neither. I’m just looking out for my best bro.

**Mina </3:** sure, sure.

**You:** I already told you that I like someone.

**Mina </3:** you’re hard to read Chaeyoung.

**You:** Whatever. Talk tomorrow?

**Mina </3:** Yeah. I’ll be streaming hylt with some friends. Maybe you can join. We’ll have a discord chat going too.

**You:** cool. See ya :)

-Read-

***

After spending the last hour trying to convince Dahyun that her girlfriend IS in fact a cheating bitch, because I KNOW I saw her flirting with some other girls at a restaurant that one time (and if there’s one time, there will surely be others), I finally gave up and took a seat on Jihyo’s couch. In front of the gas fireplace, watching the flames flicker, trying to imagine how the next paragraph of my Chaelisa fanfic. Of course, my mind remains blank.

Jihyo always offers to host parties like these. Class meet ups, surprise birthday parties, simply get together. She’d always been generous and accommodating like that, but then again, I supposed it was partly because she was rich and actually had the money and facilities to be this generous and accommodating. Regardless I always had this sense of admiration for her in that regard. And pride, because other than Dahyun, Jihyo was my closest friend.

“Alone again?”

Speak of the devil.

I look away from the flames to the beaming face of my best friend. I tried to block out the way my heart raced at the sight of her beaming cheeks and the gleam in her eyes.

“Yeah, I got bored of third wheeling with Dahyun and Momo.”

Jihyo chuckled slightly and sat down next to me, the couch indenting a little. She left barely a metre between us and I found myself wanting to make that distance infinitely smaller.

“There are so many other people here to hang with though. No need to third wheel.”

“You know me. I don’t like parties.”

It was true. I hated crowds and parties and anything that involved bunches of people who knew who you were and never really acknowledged your existence. It was awkward as hell…

“Then why do you go?”

_Because you’re here._

“Because Dahyun wanted me to come.” I lied.

“Well, I’m glad Dahyun wanted you to come.” She smiled again and my whole body filled with warmth.

“Do you want to watch a movie away from the others? I recently got a TV in my room.”

“Jeez. That wasn’t a very subtle flex, Ji.”

We both laughed and she smacked my shoulder lightly before standing up, beckoning for me to follow her to her room.

Jihyo makes me forget about my writer’s block. She always does.

***

**Author’s note:**

**Hello my wonderful readers! Thanks for reaching the end of another long, self-indulgent Chaelisa fic. It surely was a wild ride. All 12 chapters and 107,543 words of it. Thank you all for the continued support. It makes me the happiest in the world to see so many people showing love for something I put so much time and effort into.**

**However, I have some disappointing news with the conclusion of _A Misconception or Three_.**

**As you have noticed, my updates have become increasingly sporadic and shorter in the past few months. And this is not without reason.**

**I think I have finally come to a point in my life where Blackpink and Chaelisa (and all my other favourite ships) have become… more of a background image. Maybe it would be more appropriate to call them… something from my past.**

**I have been doing a lot of thinking about my writing and my future and I think I’ve come to the realisation that fanfiction writing is not the thing for me.**

Chaeyoung’s heart dropped through her chest and to the floor beneath Sana’s bed.

**I just kept thinking about how writing about real people… putting REAL people in situations and moments I come up with in my head to satisfy my own fantasies is a little… strange? Maybe not all of you feel that way, but I just kept thinking… what if Blackpink accidentally stumbled across my fics? What would they think when they saw some of the scenes I decided to write? What would that do to their REAL-LIFE friendships?**

**I no longer feel comfortable making up stories like this one about Blackpink or any other idol group.**

**I have come to the difficult decision to abandon this account, and eventually delete all my works. I hope you can all understand.**

**I will leave the final chapter of _A Misconception or Three_ and my other works up until the end of the month, but after that, they will be gone forever. I’m sorry, but I hope you all understand.**

**Thank you all again for the love and support!**

**Signed: @chaechae_lisa**

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

“SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”

“BUT MY FAVOURITE AUTHOR JUST SAID THEY’RE NOT WRITING ANYMORE!”

“SO?!”

“THEY’RE DELETING E-EVERYTHING!”

Chaeyoung wasn’t embarrassed when she finally burst into tears. This was the WORST day ever. It was the 3rd of August now… that mean she only had 28 days to memorise _A Misconception or Three_ and everything else… because after that… they would all be gone. Forever.

She sat up and switched off her phone, holding her head in her hands. This couldn’t be happening.

Just beyond the screaming in her own mind and her sobbing, Chaeyoung registered a sigh from below her and an eventual dip in her mattress as her older sister joined her on the top bunk. She leaned her body against Sana’s chest and listened to her heartbeat.

“Come on, Chaeng.” Sana whispered, knowing full well that their shouting match may very well have awoken their parents. “It’s just stories. Just fan fiction.”

“No. Nothing written by them was JUST FAN FICTION. It was… so… so much m-more than that.”

_They were an inspiration. A learning experience. A creative idea. And escape from reality._

“Chaeng…” Sana’s voice broke and Chaeyoung couldn’t quite figure out why. “I can see it means… a lot to you… but there are other authors… right?”

“Not like them.”

Sana stiffened.

“But what about your own writing? You could write something like they did.”

“I’ll never write something like them. You don’t get it Sana.”

Sana spent the rest of the night trying to coax Chaeyoung out of her depressive state, only stopping when her younger sister fell asleep in her arms, not because she succeeded.

***

Instead of trying to write, because Chaeyoung knew that she would sit for hours without thinking of a word, she checked up on her profile. Maybe someone would have left a nice comment on her story or two. She didn’t have that big of an audience, but she did get the occasional comment and it always made her feel a little giddy.

To her delight, her inbox tab had a little number 4 next to it. She clicked on the icon.

Jisoo00oo on Wait a Minute

Woah this was a great read!

Whistle_missile on Learning to Forget

I felt everything Rosé felt. This is epic. Thanks for writing!

3LisasJennie on Learning to Forget

Good writing 

Sooyaaa8 on ONE IN A MILLION

Take this down. I can’t believe you would ever write something so disgusting and bring Blackpink into it. I hope you realise how wrong this is.

Chaeyoung frowned.

She closed out of the tab and looked back at her document.

**She obliged, feeling strange at the closeness. They sat about 30cm apart, looking at the opposite wall where there stood a mirror framed in black, similar to the picture she had seen just before, hanging on the wall. They locked eyes through the reflection.**

**Something strange was settling on Chaeyoung’s face. A strange calmness. A heaviness and a lightness at the same time… her lips parted, and her deep brown eyes looked away for a second. Almost as if she were about to…**

**“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” She whispered.**

She stopped there, tears clouding her vision.

***

4:50pm

Dahyun bro

Calling…

“Yo!”

“Hey. You free?”

“Not really. Trying to write.”

“Do you do anything else?”

“Not really.”

“Well, hit me up when you are. I’m bored and I wanna go somewhere.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend you can go places with though?”

“Yeah, but I want to spend time with you too, Chaeng. I’m not about to ditch my best bro for a girl.”

“Good. Okay I’ll text you.”

“Don’t waste away in your room. I miss you.”

“I miss you too Dubu. Don’t worry. I’ll text.”

“… okay.”

“Bye-bye!!”

“…”

***

Chaeyoung hated family dinners more than anything in the world. Partly because this was time she could be spending alone (with Sana in the background _unfortunately_ ) writing her fanfiction, partly because her Omma would always manage to strike up some sort of conversation involving the comparison of her and her sister.

“So, Chaeyoung.” She started, gesturing at her across the table with her chopsticks.

“When did you book that driving test again?”

Her mum looked across the room anxiously. Chaeyoung could tell that they had discussed what her Omma was about to say in private. They always did this. Spoke about her behind her back and then tried to humiliate her in front of Sana.

“At the end of the month.” Chaeyoung shoved a leaf of lettuce into her mouth and started to chew slowly. She tried to think of what her soulmates fic would turn out to be in the end. She tried to think of anything other than the dreaded test.

“Okay, good.” Her Omma sounded mildly impressed before moving on to take her next jab. “How about your university application? How’s that going?”

Chaeyoung groaned, covering her ears.

“I’m getting there okay?”

“it’s just that me and your mum don’t see the issue. Sana was already enrolled by this time. Why are you so different?”

Sana tensed at the other end of the table at the mention of her name.

“It’s not fair to compare two completely different people.” Chaeyoung groaned, grabbing fistfuls of her hair and yanking hard. She was SICK of this.

“We’re just worried about you!” Her Mum interjected.

“Right!” Omma continued, raising her chopsticks to point again. “We’re worried because Sana never had these weird pauses in her life after she left school. She enrolled in university, got her licence, got a job and is just about ready to move out. It’s like you’re a baby with late development or something. It’s worrisome.”

“Jeongyeon that is not the correct way to put it.”

“Jesus. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect child.” Chaeyoung let go of her hair, feeling her stomach boil and tears scratch at the back of her eyes. Because deep down she knew, her Omma and Mum were right. Why was she in a stand still? What was the issue?

“That’s not what we’re trying to say!”

“Then WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!”

“You just need to grow up and get ready for real adult life! We can’t be here for you forever, Chaeng.”

“I am grown up!” She stood up in exasperation. “I’m getting my licence and I’ll enrol in university! I’m GOING to do it!”

Chaeyoung could see Sana looking down at her food awkwardly out of the corner of her eye.

“You always do this Chaeyoung.” Her Mum sighed. “Avoiding things until they pile up.”

“You know what? I’m sick of this conversation.” Chaeyoung glared. “We have the same damn conversation every time we’re together. I’m done.”

Chaeyoung knew for sure she was a coward when she finally stormed off to her room and slammed the door as hard as she could. She sat down at her and Sana’s desk and opened her laptop, instantly displaying the screen of her word document.

She couldn’t write a word.

She leant her head on the edge of the table and cried. She reached up with her right hand and pulled at her hair at the base of her neck. Pulled as hard as she dared until she forgot about her writer’s block.

***

Mina </3

@revolutionistheblackpink

\--TAP FOR OLDER MESSAGES--

-9:45pm-

**You:** When can I meet you Mina, I’m sick of my irls.

**Mina </3:** Sick of them?

 **Mina </3:** What did they do to you lol

**You:** Nothing. I just want to get away for a while.

**Mina </3:** Well it’s not so great over here in Japan either.

 **Mina </3:** I’ve got to find a stable job soon or I’ll run out of money.

 **Mina </3:** Thinking of abandoning my bp merch and stuff to get a few extra yen.

**You:** Abandoning your merch? Is it that bad?

**Mina </3:** There’s a lot going on with my family right now. Stuff I’m not quite comfortable sharing just yet. It’s really taking a financial toll on me and everyone else and I’ve had to quit uni and… It’s just tough right now. Abandoning my merch is the least of my problems.

**You:** Jeez Mina. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

**Mina </3:** It’s fine.

 **Mina </3:** Actually, I was planning on telling you anyways because I won’t be going on social media anymore after next week. I’m deactivating. I’ve got way more important things to worry about than a stan twitter account.

 **Mina </3:** Weird to be saying that now… this account was my life a few years ago.

**You:** You’re leaving for good?

 **You:** I won’t be able to contact you?

**Mina </3:** Yeah, I’m leaving for good… well at least until this situation… No. I’m leaving for good.

 **Mina </3:** I’m sorry, Chaeyoung.

**You:** Do you have any other socials I can contact you on to check up on you?

**Mina </3:** No. I’m sorry.

**You:** Don’t apologise. Sometimes you can’t help the circumstances.

**Mina </3:** Glad you get it, Chae. Some of my other online buddies didn’t.

**You:** Well, I hope that… whatever it is you and your family are going through fixes soon.

 **You:** I’ll miss talking to you.

**Mina </3:** Maybe if things get better, I’ll hit u up in a couple of years, assuming you won’t have abandoned your stan account yet.

 **Mina </3:** I doubt you will. You’ll support Rosé till the end huh.

**You:** haha I guess.

 **You:** You never know.

**Mina </3:** Hey, how about one last game of Minecraft on my server? Think of it as a goodbye gift :)

-Read-

-10:02pm-

**Mina </3:** Chaeng?

-Read-

-10:15pm-

**Mina </3:** Dude you’ve left me on read!

**You:** Sorry sorry!

 **You:** I just got carried away.

 **You:** I really would, Mina. It’s just that I’m finally having a breakthrough in my writing. I’m going places with this scene! I have it all mapped out and everything!

**Mina </3:** You’re crazy Chaeng. Alright. I’ll talk to you… later?

**You:** Yeah. Later.

**Mina </3:** I love you; I’ll miss you.

-Read-

***

I kind of forgot about what movie Jihyo had put on. It might have been Little Forest because She loves that film to death. It could have been a Disney film since she loves to sing every single one of the songs. It might have been a documentary about photosynthesis for all I cared to remember. I was too focused on her profile for any of that to bother me.

Jihyo had sat us down on her bed together. The covers over our legs and our backs against the wall, cushioned by her multitude of pretty pink pillows she kept on her bed for decoration. The lights were off, the only light in the room coming from the screen on the wall.

Her shoulder lay against mine. A familiar pressure, but for some reason, today, it made me feel… anxious? Almost as though if I made any sort of movement Jihyo would… get mad and move away or something? It was a confusing feeling. I wasn’t sure I had ever felt anything like it before in Jihyo’s presence, or with anyone else for that matter.

I was looking at Jihyo instead of the movie. I knew I shouldn’t and that her peripheral vision would probably pick up my creepy staring eventually, but I just couldn’t help it. She was beautiful.

Beautiful in a way that my brain couldn’t process properly.

I knew my writer’s block was gone right then and there.

**Her profile is nothing like Chaeyoung has ever seen. The slope of her nose, the curve of her lips, the point of her chin… everything was simply mesmerising. Even though it was dark, she could imagine that little mole on the top of her nose and she could still see that same look of wonder in her eyes, reflecting the screen in front of them. That magnificent, pure look of happiness that she had fallen for.**

Chaeyoung frowned slightly at the screen. The little cursor at the end of the last sentence she typed. Something felt a little off about that paragraph.

“Chaeng.”

I snapped out of my thoughts, only to see that Jihyo had turned to face me. There was a silence in the room, indicating she had paused the movie. I was eternally grateful the lights were still off because I could feel my face burn instantly.

Jihyo’s expression dissolved into a smirk, and she sat back a bit, the pressure of her shoulder against mine moving away.

**“You were staring.” She accused, her voice teasing. Chaeyoung blushed even harder (if that were possible), looking away.**

**“No, I wasn’t.” She lied which caused the girl beside her to laugh uncontrollably. That laugh was Chaeyoung’s favourite. Nothing; no sound in the world could make her feel the same way as Jihyo’s laugh.**

Jihyo? Why had she typed Jihyo’s name?

Chaeyoung sighed and edited the section.

**“You were staring.” She accused, her voice teasing. Chaeyoung blushed even harder (if that were possible), looking away.**

**“No, I wasn’t.” She lied which caused the girl beside her to laugh uncontrollably. That laugh was Chaeyoung’s favourite. Nothing; no sound in the world could make her feel the same way as…**

“You’re so dumb Chaeng. You’re so obvious.” Her laughs echoed in my head. I felt a little bit giddy in a way I couldn’t quite comprehend with rational thought.

“O-obvious?” I stuttered, which was poor timing and even worse in regard to word choice. What the hell was going on with me today?

“You can’t just blatantly stare at someone like that and think they won’t notice!” She laughed again and I couldn’t help but laugh with her, the biggest smile falling across my own features.

We laughed together for what seemed like hours before we finally calmed down. My heart was beating hard and I panted, clutching my stomach which was now in severe pain. I lay back a smile still lingering on my lips and looked up at Jihyo.

**She was smiling too. Her eyes still gleaming with the reflection of the paused movie. Her red dyed hair was tucked behind both ears – Chaeyoung found this incredibly cute – and it threatened to dangle into her eyes as she looked down at her. There were a few moments of simple silence where both girls simply looked at each other.**

**Chaeyoung had the indescribably urge to tell Jihyo that her red hair really suited her (because it did) even though she had said it countless times before. She felt a twitch in her right hand that told her to reach up and touch her cheek because she knew how soft the skin was under her touch. She wanted to run her finger over the mole on her nose and across her lips… her lips.**

**Jihyo’s smile didn’t fade once, even as she reached a hand to fix a stray strand of Chaeyoung’s own hair. She opened and closed her mouth a few times as if deciding what to say. Chaeyoung giggled again.**

**“Is my beauty leaving you speechless?” She joked, because she knew how much cheesy lines like these made Jihyo cringe and laugh and she was craving to hear that wonderous sound once again.**

**It worked like a charm. Jihyo’s laughter filled her entire body. A light, nervous giggle, causing her to look away for a moment and clear her throat.**

**“Um, yes!” she replied, her voice still shaking from the giggles and Chaeyoung had never seen anyone so beautiful in that moment than Jihyo.**

_Jihyo…_

Chaeyoung’s writers block was long gone. But why did she keep replacing Lisa’s name with Jihyo’s? Why does every description remind her of Jihyo?

_I’ve got to delete all this. Continue my soulmate fic._ She thought to herself, selecting the text and tapping the delete key. She closed out of the word document, bring up the window with her soulmate fic, clicking her cursor over the final sentence she had written since her writer’s block had set in. She felt like the right words would come to her today.

**Something strange was settling on Chaeyoung’s face. A strange calmness. A heaviness and a lightness at the same time… her lips parted, and her deep brown eyes looked away for a second. Almost as if she were about to…**

**“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” She whispered.**

****

**_What does that mean?_ Lisa thought to herself. What on earth…**

1:02am

Dahyun bro

Calling…

“Dahyun?”

“C-can you come over? I… I just…”

“Dahyun are you crying? What’s going on?”

“Ah… fuck. P-please. Can you just c-come over.”

“Okay, Dubu I’m coming, but tell me what’s up? Are you drunk again? Remember what Jihyo and I told you about your excessive drinking–”

“YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU DIDN’T ALWAYS HAVE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN IN THE FICTIONAL WORLD.”

“…”

“Momo broke up with me. She broke up with me a whole damn week ago. And if you had picked up my calls and answered my texts instead of writing obsessively about a music group that don’t even know of your existence you would know.”

“…”

“Y-you know what, never fucking mind. Jihyo’s here. I don’t need you to come.

_Dahyun! What the hell are you doing? Put the glass down. NOW._

She’s a real friend. You don’t even give a fuck about anything except the little scenarios that play out in your head.

_Give me the phone Dahyun._

No! What the fuck! _HEY GIVE IT BACK!_

Sorry Chaeyoung. It’s Jihyo. Dahyun doesn’t know what she’s saying. She’s drunk again. Don’t take it to heart okay?”

“Uh… Yeah. No. Don’t worry, Jihyo-unnie. Please look after her.”

“I will.

_I’m sorry Chaeng. I’m so… s-so sorry._

Get to sleep. It’s late. I’ll make sure Dahyun’s okay.”

Chaeyoung’s mouth was dry and she felt a headache coming on.

**–**

@revolutionistheblackpink

\--TAP FOR OLDER MESSAGES--

-1:30am-

**You:** Mina, I fucked up.

* MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED! *

You are unable to contact this user.

***

You haven’t been outside in what seems like forever, but here you are. Sana dragged you out here to go clothes shopping and even thought her style is far from your own, you agreed because your writers block is back and its worse than ever. There’s nothing left for you to do but stare at the screen and that damn cursor and you’ve had enough of it. It’s time for a change of scenery.

It’s cloudy outside today. The sky is grey and blue and there is an icy wind blowing through your clothes as you walk past shop after shop, waiting for Sana to finally decide which one she wants to walk into.

Rather than paying attention to the street and where you are walking, you start to watch the people that pass you by, paying you no mind as they go about their business. You’ve always sort of loved to do this. You find it fun to see the different sizes, shapes and colours humans come in. It’s fascinating and exciting to see the variety of the human species.

“Chaeng I’m going in here okay?”

“Sure.”

A few people catch your eye in particular.

A man in a red yukata with his hair tied up in a bun on his head. It makes you think of Japan and Japan makes you think of Mina. He is missing his left arm and you wonder how that came to be. Was he born with it? Did he survive a shark attack? Of course, there are endless possibilities and that’s just how you like it.

A woman with a medical mask over her mouth, but not her nose. Her hair is pink and fiery, and it reminds you a little of Jihyo. She has a baby strapped to her back in a little seat and it looks at you directly, so you smile because its always cute to see babies smile back. Unfortunately, the baby does not smile back and merely frowns in a confused manor at Chaeyoung as they disappear behind a building. You start to wonder what the hell that baby’s problem was when another person catches your eye.

A girl, very tall with her dark hair pulled back in a low ponytail. She also wears a white surgical mask (this time properly closed over her nose) and she holds her head down as she strides toward you on the street, both of her hands clutching the straps of her backpack. But none of that is really what catches your eye. It is the black shirt she wears with the pink logo: BLACKPINK on the front that really draws you to her.

It’s been a while since you’ve seen someone wearing Blackpink merch, let alone a shirt that you specifically own at home, hanging in your closet. So, as the girl approaches you decide to say something.

“Nice shirt.”

She looks up, her eyes looking conflicted for a second as if she was deciding whether or not to ignore your comment, before she stops a few meters in front of you, her eyes creasing at the edges, indicating a nervous smile.

“Thanks?” She answers cautiously. He voice is very soft. You think she must be very shy. She also has a slight accent, indicating that she must be foreign. She looks down at the shirt she is wearing and pulls it out a bit to observe the logo.

“What’s your favourite track?” You ask, wanting to know if your taste will match with the stranger’s. It’s been so long since you’ve spoken to another Blink (since Mina deactivated) and maybe this would be an opportunity to make a new friend.

“Favourite track?”

“I personally really love _PLAYING WITH FIRE_.”

“Oh, is Blackpink a band name?” She girl asks and you do a double take. Is she _serious_?

“You haven’t heard of Blackpink? What’s with the shirt then?” You laugh nervously. How _weird_.

“I just thought it was a brand name. I borrowed this from my cousin since I’m only in Korea for a short time.”

“Oh. I see.” _She doesn’t know Blackpink? How is that even possible?_ “Well, I hope you enjoy your time in Korea. Sorry for confusing you.”

“No, no.” The girl waves her hands dismissively and bows. “It’s fine. Not a problem.”

You bid your awkward goodbyes to each other and then watch as the girl leaves.

***

6886 words in and Chaeyoung was getting a little confused. She had changed tenses and perspectives and styles repeatedly. It was becoming crowded and confusing on the word document. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like for a reader to try and navigate the mess that was this story. She could barely do it herself.

Not to mention that she still had severe writer’s block.

**_What does that mean?_ Lisa thought to herself. What on earth would Chaeyoung, a complete stranger, have to tell her? What was with the sudden look of resolve on her face? Why did she feel so nervous all of a sudden?**

**She paused, her pupils wavering through the reflection in the mirror. She was at war with herself for a moment.**

She sighed and put her head in her hands.

_YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU DIDN’T ALWAYS HAVE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN IN THE FICTIONAL WORLD._

_I’ve got way more important things to worry about than a stan twitter account._

**_I just kept thinking about how writing about real people… putting REAL people in situations and moments I come up with in my head to satisfy my own fantasies is a little… strange?_ **

_Take this down. I can’t believe you would ever write something so disgusting and bring Blackpink into it._

_You just need to grow up and get ready for real adult life! We can’t be here for you forever, Chaeng._

_Oh, is Blackpink a band name?_

She felt as though her world was falling apart. Whoever was writing her story mustn’t have a heart. No heart to give her just a tiny ounce of inspiration to continue her soulmate fic. No heart to give her parents a little bit of hope for her future. No heart to write her favourite author back onto the internet. No heart to take away everything that hurt Dahyun and Mina.

If she was the writer of her own life, she would have selected the whole thing, clicked delete and started over from scratch by now.

Everything is so unfair.

***

“Um, yes!” Jihyo giggled again, her voice a little uneven. My heart thundered in my chest as I watched her expression shift slightly. Her smile softened and her eyes looked deeply into my own.

“Have… have I ever told you that?” She breathed.

“Told me what?” I asked, my body feeling hot. It looked almost as if Jihyo was getting closer to me.

“That you’re beautiful.” Her fingers brushed against my cheek. So soft; gentle. That touch embodying everything that Jihyo is. “Because you’re so beautiful, Chaeng.”

Her voice was so quiet. Every word she said fell on my ears as if it were a secret only between us. She was leaning down and her lips were suddenly the focal point of my vision.

“I’ve been trying to tell you…” Jihyo mumbled. “I’m…”

I could feel her breath on my face. I could see the mole on her nose. I could feel the strands of her hair tickled the sides of my face. Everything in my vision was suddenly Jihyo.

And then suddenly everything wasn’t.

Chaeyoung suddenly remembered the movie that they have paused. The door to Jihyo’s room that was slightly ajar. The way her heart was screaming at her to back away and run.

“I know I’m beautiful.” She interrupted Jihyo with a smirk and placed both hands on her shoulders, pushing back ever so slightly so that she moved up, allowing Chaeyoung to sit back up.

She laughed, although the sound was hollow. She pretended she couldn’t see the tears threatening to fall from Jihyo’s eyes and smiled.

“I need to pee. I’ll be back in a sec and we can finish this movie.” She stood.

Jihyo nodded absentmindedly.

“Sure.” She said and Chaeyoung took that as her cue.

She ran.

She ran through the hall, back down to the main scene of the party where the bathroom was. She was just about to open the door to go in when someone walked out.

She looked up.

“Chaeyoung? Are you alright?”

It was Momo.

“You’re crying… did something happen?”

_Fucking Momo._

“Hey, hey! Shh.”

Momo took her into her arms and Chaeyoung let herself go. Crying hard against her best friend’s stupid-ass girlfriend’s chest. Soiling her white shirt with tears and gripping her arms for support. Momo backed them both up, locking them inside the bathroom, hiding Chaeyoung from the party. In retrospect, Chaeyoung would have thanked the older girl. It was really thoughtful of her.

They sat on Jihyo’s fancy guest bathroom floor. The cold tiles making them both shiver in each other’s arms. They were there for fifteen minutes of silence, Chaeyoung crying until she couldn’t anymore, Momo holding her tight until it passed.

When Chaeyoung ran out of tears, she pulled back and looked up at Momo, wiping her eyes. Momo’s face was painted with concern. Her own eyes looked teary and it made Chaeyoung wonder if she had cried with her simply out of empathy.

“Thanks.” Chaeyoung muttered. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

Momo shook her head. Her hands were still clutching Chaeyoung’s body and she was grateful for that.

“It’s not an issue.” She paused for a moment, deciding what to say next. “Did you want to talk about what happened?”

Chaeyoung sighed, moving out of Momo’s arms to sit beside her on the cold floor. She looked at the wall in front of her before closing her eyes and sighing deeply.

“Jihyo just tried to kiss me.”

Momo perked up.

“Oh? That’s good then? Why are you crying about it?”

“I pushed her away and left the room.”

There was a silence.

“Oh.” Momo said eventually.

“I guess I just freaked out because… I… I guess I’ve liked Jihyo for so long and nothing has ever happened between us for so long that when something actually did start to happen, I couldn’t handle it.”

“I get that.” Momo commented.

“You get it?” Chaeyoung looked to the side, coming face to face with Momo’s teary expression.

“I like to run away from things like that too.” She said. “I get it. Sometimes things just… don’t work out like the movies do and it’s scary because it’s never what you expect. You can’t write your own screenplay so you have no idea what will happen next while your writer watches on in amusement because they know. The dramatic irony fuels their fire and they keep you on your toes until you break down and nothing makes sense anymore.”

Chaeyoung’s mouth was hanging open by that point.

“You really do get it.”

Maybe Momo wasn’t so bad after all. She smiled. Just a small, sad smile.

“Maybe you should go and apologise.” She offered. “Before Jihyo gets the wrong idea. You _do_ like her, don’t you?”

Chaeyoung nodded slowly.

Apologise? How the hell would she manage that?

“Yeah… Maybe I should.” She muttered.

Momo smiled at that and stood, brushing invisible dust off her jeans.

“Don’t let her get away so easily. Don’t run away.”

Something behind Momo’s eyes told Chaeyoung Momo was speaking from experience… either that or she knew something was going to happen.

There was a knock at the door, causing both girls to turn their hears to the noise. Momo took it upon herself to open the door to reveal a flustered Dahyun and Jihyo. Dahyun looked between her girlfriend and her best friend for a moment before grasping her wrist and dragging her out of the bathroom.

“You idiot! Why does it take half an hour to go to the bathroom? And what were you doing in there with my best friend!”

They were out of sight and earshot before Chaeyoung could offer her input on the situation. She hoped she didn’t create an un-necessary conflict between the two.

She turned to Jihyo then, who had tears streaming down her face, still raw and fresh.

“Chaeyoung, I’m sorry.” She said, not daring to step foot into the room. She was looking at Chaeyoung’s feet. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. That… I’m really sorry. I didn’t read the room correctly. I swear I never meant for this to happen. I promise I won’t do that ever again.”

Chaeyoung stood from her spot on the floor and walked up to Jihyo, unsure of how to respond.

“I really… I just don’t want anything to change between us.” She whimpered, finally looking up. Her eyes were so red and sad and tired from crying that Chaeyoung felt like her own eyes were tearing up again. “Please forget I did anything today. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Stop apologising.” She said, taking one of her shaking hands in her own.

_I’m in love with you Jihyo, I’m just so scared._

_I wanted to kiss you too._

_I regret everything._

_It should be me apologising._

“It isn’t going to change anything. Let’s just forget about it.” She smiled.

“Okay.” Jihyo smiled too, but the tears wouldn’t stop falling and she dissolved into sniffles and tears in an instant.

Chaeyoung held her close, feeling every shudder of her body tenfold.

_Don’t run away._

Too late.

***

“Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung!

CHAEYOUNG!”

Chaeyoung lurches upright, almost hitting her head on the ceiling with the force. Sana is standing on the ladder up to her bunk bed. It’s early morning. Too early – the alarm clock that’s visible on their shared desk shows a time of 3:42am, but the light is on.

It takes her a second or two more to realise that her heart is beating uncontrollably, and she is drenched in sweat and her eyes feel puffy.

“You were moving around and crying a lot.” Sana told her. She looked sleepy and Chaeyoung felt terrible for waking her at such an hour. “I thought you might have been having a nightmare, so I woke you up.”

Chaeyoung brought her shaking hands to her face, wiping away the sweat and tears and pushing back the hair that was stuck to her skin.

“I’m sorry.” She said.

“It’s okay. Do you want me to hold you until you can get back to sleep?”

“Yes please.”

Sana climbed onto the bed and it creaked as she shuffled her way over to Chaeyoung. She took her in her arms like a baby and pulled the covers over them both. Chaeyoung pressed her ear to Sana’s chest and listened to her heartbeat.

“It’s the 31st today.” Chaeyoung said, closing her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“My favourite author is deleting all their works today.”

“Try not to think about it.”

“I wish I could just rewind time a bit so I can read everything they’ve ever published all over again.”

“There are more important things than fanfiction, Chaeng. Like you getting a good night’s sleep for example.”

_Oh, is Blackpink a band name?_

“I guess you’re right.”

***

VOICEMAIL

Dahyun bro

1 week ago – 4:50pm

“Chaeng! She… she broke up with m-me! P-please pick u-up.”

VOICEMAIL

Dahyun bro

1 week ago – 4:58pm

“I don’t… she makes no sense! Sh-she’s run away from me, Ch-Chaeyoung. Please pick up I need to talk t-to someone.”

VOICEMAIL

Dahyun bro

1 week ago – 6:30pm

“Momo… I love you… What did I do?”

***

That user does not exist.

***

**I think I have finally come to a point in my life where Blackpink and Chaelisa (and all my other favourite ships) have become… more of a background image. Maybe it would be more appropriate to call them… something from my past.**

**…**

**I no longer feel comfortable making up stories like this one about Blackpink or any other idol group.**

**…**

**I’m sorry, but I hope you all understand.**

**Thank you all again for the love and support!**

**Signed: @chaechae_lisa**

-12:01am-

This story has been deleted.

That user does not exist.

***

Chaeyoung’s writers block is worse. She knows this because she’s finally finished the paragraph.

**_What does that mean?_ Chaeyoung thought to herself. What on earth would Lisa, a complete stranger, have to tell her? What was with the sudden look of resolve on her face? Why did she feel so nervous all of a sudden?**

**She paused, her pupils wavering through the reflection in the mirror. She was at war with herself for a moment.**

**“Never mind.” She sighed eventually. Looking down at her legs. Chaeyoung’s heart still thundered uncontrollably.**

“Never mind.”

What a stupid way to end it.


End file.
